Getting Out (I don't do it much)

Yesterday I went up to Melbourne with family, for the seeing of a play. So I saw the Bell Shakespeare production of Hamlet. It was really good.

It seems like doing stuff with family is kinda my only time I actually get out. Left to my own devices, I seem to prefer staying home, like it's an effort to even just like go to actual shops instead of ordering everything. I don't think this is just like a covid habit, it's kinda always been a bit of a thing for me, like I don't go anywhere or it's an effort to do so. There've definitely been times in my life where I'm better at it though, and I guess right now I'm not in one of them.

I think I kinda have high social anxiety lately, especially in a "strangers in public are scary" type sense. Like the sort of "nervous to interact with or speak to anyone" type feeling, where if anyone does interact with me it's like the umm panic no thanks type response from me. I think this is something of a regression for me, like I know I'd worked this shit out in the past but now I haven't. Maybe the indoors coviddy times have meant I've fallen out of practice? I'm not sure.

I haven't seen friends in ages. Like, my main social circle is online but it has been a while since like I've been out to see a friend. Maybe I should do this? It feels like a lot of effort which I think is one reason I haven't. Like, just going anywhere feels like effort unless it's with family where I just go on autopilot follow people type mode haha.

Feeling a bit weird lonely in the head right now, which is odd since I just finished watching a movie with an online friend. Could just be that I am sleepy and feeling lousy from that and it's the thing where my brain is like "oh you feel bad let's work out why it must be because you're sad for a reason" instead of "oh you are tired" or however that works, not sure that's QUITE the right cause and effect that I'm feeling but too tired to get it right at the moment.

If you're reading this and are worried, I promise you I'll be OK, I suspect my immediate sad feelings will heal with a good night's sleep - I think I was up a bit early this morning (arguably to watch Eurovision but also I randomly woke up early for some reason) so I've been up a while.