BRAIN THOUGHTS

I have, for some reason, a whole lot of Brain Thoughts going on today. It's vague and unsettling but maybe I can put them here?

I mean honestly it's more just like Socially things are eternally I Don't Know. Social cues are difficult for me, and I can easily get tangled up in like the bad self esteem and anxiety thoughts which throw off any attempt to figure them out, so my tendency is to tread cautiously. Like, this is the way I can engage with the world safely. It feels bad if I interact with someone and they think I'm too forward or something, so it's safer to keep a polite distance. End result though is it's tricky to talk to or connect with people. So I'm lonely

Look this is like ONE brain problem I had today. The other is the whole Anxiety About My Appearance thing. Like, today is a Femme Day and I've managed some Good Selfie but also like there's a bunch of Reject Selfie as well, and some "oh no I caught myself in the mirror at the wrong angle" going on as well. I have a lot of anxiety about my appearance, mostly along the lines of "oh, nobody's gonna find me attractive"

god do I even WANT people to find me attractive? fuck, I don't know. Yes but only if they can be polite about it? I can't even make this brain thought stuff into proper words! Fucking hell.

I know I have Friends who may read this, please know, I'm OK. I'd appreciate it if you wanna say hello but I'm OK I'm not in a crisis situation or anything I'm just vaguely venting onto a blog.

to acquaintances who may happen upon this post having expected more meaningful blog posts: haha sucks to be you, behold (mostly) Unfiltered Millie this is my blog fuckos.